From There to here_Transitioning to the us

I arrived in New York, US, in the middle of December 2006. It was cold, and Christmas was the theme! At that time, I had a superficial knowledge of the US and how it was a country of opportunities, but honestly, I wasn't impressed. The only thing I was excited about was to see my mom. It had been years of only hearing her voice over the phone. I was shy of 12 years old and didn't understand the new trajectory my life was about to take. 

My mom's dream for me was to graduate college and earn a degree. As the youngest child, my job was solely to study and behave, which, looking back, was pretty good compared to my siblings, who had to study and work. I was privileged! I wish I were better prepared to handle other challenges that are viewed as unimportant when journeying to a new country. These challenges include being bullied for not speaking English, understanding racism and what it means to be black in the US, and an identity crisis.

I was in 5th grade, and a group of girls would taunt me for not speaking or understanding English. Every time I saw them in recess or music, they would talk loudly, point, and laugh. This made me frustrated and anxious to go to school. My siblings were not in the US, and my mom was working three jobs, so there wasn't anyone I could share my frustrations with. Luckily, I had only six months left, so I handled the situation like a PRO! I IGNORED THEM.

Understanding racism, its history, and who/how it affects the present in the US took a long time and a lot of listening. I remember being asked if I was black and saying no, that I am Cape Verdean. I mistakenly confused being black, which means you are of African descent, with being African American/black American, the descendants of enslaved Africans from the United States. I am Cape Verdean, but I am also BLACK. As I got older, the conversation surrounding racism got more intense and sensitive, so most people awkwardly avoided it. Something that is hard to do when you are the only black person in classrooms or your company and expected to speak for ALL BLACK people. A lot more can be said for this area, but I will leave it for another blog post. 

Once I got to high school, I spoke English fluently with a hint of an accent, taking honors and AP classes and playing sports. Unknowingly to me, I was slowly becoming Americanized. At home, I spoke Creole, ate Cape Verdean food, danced, and listened to Cape Verdean music. At school, my friends had different backgrounds (Haitian, Puerto Rican/Dominican, Tibentans, White, and Black Americans). In class, it was primarily white students. At some point, I felt unable to deeply connect with people because there wasn't a way for me to combine all the different parts of my life. I couldn't connect with the Cape Verdeans because I was too Americanized, I couldn't connect with Black people because I wasn't Black enough, and I couldn't fully connect with the Whites for apparent reasons. 

Anywho, thank you to those of you who read until the end! Thank you for reading a bit of my story and some of my challenges. None of it is a complaint because I am blessed in all areas of my life! Please let me know if you can relate to any of it!

-Préta