D'la Pa'li_Transizon Pa Merka

Ntxiga na Nova York, USA, na meio de Dezembro di 2006. Staba uma friu e Natal staba na ar. Na kel tempu la, ntinha um idea superficial de USA e modi ki es ta fla me um país de oportunidade, mas pa ser sincera, nka fica muto imprecionada. Uniku kusa ki sta dexaba mi super contenti era podi odja nha mae otu bes. Dja tinha passado anos ki nta obiba el so na tilifoni. Nstaba ku 12 anu, e nka tinha noson di kel novo trajetoria ki nha vida sta tomaba.

Sonhu ki nha mae tinha pa mi, era bai scola e consigui um diploma di colegio. Como fidju mas pikinoti, nha trabadjo era somenti studa e comporta dretu, ki gossi ora ki nlembra, nta odja ma nfoi super privilegiada comparado ku nhas irmons, ki ta trabadjaba e ta studaba. Nta desejaba staba mas bem preparado pa kes otos tipos di dificuldades, ki ta odjadu como menos importati, ora ku sta na um novo país. Um di kes kusas, é ora ki es ta fazer trossa pmd bu ka sabi fala Inglês, intendi racismo e significado di ser preto na USA.

Nstaba na kinta classe, e um grupo de meninas ta atazanam pamodi nka ta fala ou intendi Inglês. Tudo bes ki es odjam na intrivalo ou na aula di musica, es ta falaba alto, pontam dedo e es ta riba. Tudo keli, decam ta xinti frustrada e ansiosa tudo bes ki ntinha ki bai scola. Nhas irmom ka stab na US, e nha mae ta trabadjaba 3 trabadjo, ntom ka tinha ninguem pa disabafaba kual. Ainda bem, ki faltaba so 6 mes, ntom nresolvel di nha manera. N IGNORAS.

Intendi racismo, se storia, e kenha/modi ke ta afecta nha presenti li na US, leba munti tempo e txeu escuta. Nta lembra es ta perguntam si ami era preto, e nta flaba nao, ma ki é Cabo-Verdiana. Nta konfundiba ma ser preto, ker dizer ser di descendencia Africana, ki ta fazer se Americano Africano ou Americano Preto, descendenti di escravos di Estados Unidos. Ami é Cabo-Verdiana mas ami tb é PRETA. Sima nba ta kria, conversas sobre racismo ba ta fica mas intenso e sensivel, ntom munti alguem ka ta kria falaba sobre ke assunto li. Um kusa ke dificil di fazi ora ki bo é unico Preto na sala di aula ou na bu trabadjo, e tudo alguem ta djobeu abo pa bu fala pa TUDO PRETO ki tem. Npodi fala mas sobre es assunto, mas nta dexa pa proximo blog.


Kanto ki ntxiga na liceu, djam ta falaba Inglês fluenti, ku um bokadinho di sutaki, nstaba na quandro di honra e ta tomaba aulas di AP e praticando desporto. Sem percebi, ma nstaba poku a poku ta torna mas Americanizada. Na casa, nta falaba criolo, nta kumeba kumida Cabo Verdiana, nta badjaba e obiba musicas Cabo-Verdiano. Na scola, ntinha amigos di difereti parti di mundo ( di Haiti, Domenicano/ Porto Rico, Tibeti, Brancos e Pretos Americanos). Na sala di aula, era mas estudantes brancos, ntom munti bes, nta xintiba dificuldade di conecta kuas di um forma mas profundo pamodi ka tinha como ndjuntaba tudo partes di nha vida. Nka sta consiguiba conectaba nha lado Cabo-Verdiano pamodi ntinha jeito Americano, nka ta consiguiba conecta ku pretos pamodi ami nka era preta suficienti, e nka ta coneguiba conecta por completo ku brancos pamodi mesmo kusa.

Em fim, obrigada pa bu ter lido ate fim! Obrigada pa bu ter lido um kusinha di nh storia e nhas fificuldades. Nka sta reclama pamodi ami é abesoada na tudo area di nha vida. Dexam sabi si bu ta indentifica.

-Préta

From There to here_Transitioning to the us

I arrived in New York, US, in the middle of December 2006. It was cold, and Christmas was the theme! At that time, I had a superficial knowledge of the US and how it was a country of opportunities, but honestly, I wasn't impressed. The only thing I was excited about was to see my mom. It had been years of only hearing her voice over the phone. I was shy of 12 years old and didn't understand the new trajectory my life was about to take. 

My mom's dream for me was to graduate college and earn a degree. As the youngest child, my job was solely to study and behave, which, looking back, was pretty good compared to my siblings, who had to study and work. I was privileged! I wish I were better prepared to handle other challenges that are viewed as unimportant when journeying to a new country. These challenges include being bullied for not speaking English, understanding racism and what it means to be black in the US, and an identity crisis.

I was in 5th grade, and a group of girls would taunt me for not speaking or understanding English. Every time I saw them in recess or music, they would talk loudly, point, and laugh. This made me frustrated and anxious to go to school. My siblings were not in the US, and my mom was working three jobs, so there wasn't anyone I could share my frustrations with. Luckily, I had only six months left, so I handled the situation like a PRO! I IGNORED THEM.

Understanding racism, its history, and who/how it affects the present in the US took a long time and a lot of listening. I remember being asked if I was black and saying no, that I am Cape Verdean. I mistakenly confused being black, which means you are of African descent, with being African American/black American, the descendants of enslaved Africans from the United States. I am Cape Verdean, but I am also BLACK. As I got older, the conversation surrounding racism got more intense and sensitive, so most people awkwardly avoided it. Something that is hard to do when you are the only black person in classrooms or your company and expected to speak for ALL BLACK people. A lot more can be said for this area, but I will leave it for another blog post. 

Once I got to high school, I spoke English fluently with a hint of an accent, taking honors and AP classes and playing sports. Unknowingly to me, I was slowly becoming Americanized. At home, I spoke Creole, ate Cape Verdean food, danced, and listened to Cape Verdean music. At school, my friends had different backgrounds (Haitian, Puerto Rican/Dominican, Tibentans, White, and Black Americans). In class, it was primarily white students. At some point, I felt unable to deeply connect with people because there wasn't a way for me to combine all the different parts of my life. I couldn't connect with the Cape Verdeans because I was too Americanized, I couldn't connect with Black people because I wasn't Black enough, and I couldn't fully connect with the Whites for apparent reasons. 

Anywho, thank you to those of you who read until the end! Thank you for reading a bit of my story and some of my challenges. None of it is a complaint because I am blessed in all areas of my life! Please let me know if you can relate to any of it!

-Préta